My Little Angel!

As many of you know when me and Mike were 1st married we had a very hard miscarriage. It was bad from the beginning and only got worse over time. There were many complications along the way! From being on fertility drugs for 2 1/2 years, to having what they thought was a tumor. I had the hardest time trying to understand why? My last month that they would allow me on the fertility drug (because they had 3X my dose) I FINALLY got pregnant! More then 24 pregnancy tests later I had a positive one! It was a miracle! I loved every second of that pregnancy. I tried to take it all in. When I finally had Madilyn in my arms I just looked at her and cried! I couldn't believe she was real. It has been 4 years since I had her, and 7 years since my miscarriage. But I am still brought to tears every time I think about it, or relive it with someone close to me.

Last night we went to the Visitors Center at the Temple for Family Night. Driving home Madi my 4 year old said, "Mom, remember that baby that died in your tummy." I said, "Yes." But I was blow away by her question! I don't think I have ever sat down and told her about it. Maybe she has over heard me talking with others. But she said, "You don't need to be sad, because she is with Jesus." I told her that she was right. Then she said, "We can feel her, we just can't see her." I am crying at this point. Then she asked, "Do you know why she died?" I tried explaining that her little body just wasn't ready. But she said, "No, because I missed her. She died for me so I wouldn't be lonely. She took care of me and sis in Heaven." How do you respond back to that? Knowing Madilyn I'm sure this was the case. She hates good-byes, and being alone. I don't know what happened at the temple last night, but it was something special. I have been thinking about it all night. A sisters sacrifice. I'm sure it did take 3 years for my little angel to let her sister go. This is finally the peace I needed. It came from my 4 year old little girl, 7 years later. Prayers are answered! I love knowing that my baby I lost is still a very strong part of our family, and she is always watching over us. She is shining down everyday (look at the picture of Maleea's Blessing Day). I'm so grateful for the gospel, and our understanding of ETERNAL FAMILIES!